Onlooker by Marilyn

Wherever you go whatever you do, I'll always come with you, my heart is broken my soul is crying, for you, to have things the way they were, in the past saw the real you, where are you now?

I've found another you, different from the past, different from yesterday, I still love you whoever you are today, tomorrow or yesterday, I stand stead with you whenever and wherever I can for I'm as human as you and all those in this big world out there, uninhibited from the start, spontaneous as could be, fragmented from the tongue, here I sit in one piece, the wondering of times gone by and times to come, as still as the water as gushing as the sea that's me, with tears in my eyes, salty water dripping, thoughts of you in the past darkly and the future bright because if I can I'll make it that way, maybe it's wishful thinking but hey you're free to think!

Like thunderous thunder we are struck down by lightening, news no one wants to hear but is necessary in the scheme of things, the wonderment of why may always bewilder you or I so why not accept "it just is", corners can be cut without progress though with this one there are no shortcuts, just come through it the best way we can, united we stand divided we fall.

I loved you then I love you now I'll love you always no matter which way our paths take us.

You have taught me much in our short time together, you have bought out the best and the worst in me, you have shown me love, you have a uniqueness about you, you are a special person indeed.

Stay in your cocoon as long as you need to just remember to come out sometimes for me as I need you, want you and desire you.

The heart bleeds, the soul screams as the roller coaster takes it own course never knowing where its going to end, even with all of this trust, love, devotion, courage and faith will see us through, I'm sure the heart bleeds, the soul screams as the roller coaster takes its own course never knowing where its going to end, even with all of this trust, love, devotion, courage and faith will see us through, I'm sure it will, well I hope it bloody well does anyway.

Such is life.

Our tongues are bitter and sweet, our hearts will sing along with the tune we play on the day, depends if its bitter or sweet.

Our place may be in each others heart and soul depends it its bitter or sweet, our bodies go with the rhythm of the day depends if its bitter or sweet, and so self expression depends on the flavour of the day, the hour or moment whether its bitter or sweet it will be expressed and shown with all its glory so it is that we expose ourselves good or bad doesn't seem to care it's the flavour of the moment that counts toward a hug or frown, in the stillness of the night the music stops, in the rushing of a day still the music stops but listen within there I hear the music play its telling me how I feel today with or without you life goes on, picking up shredded pieces as I coast along bringing with me the dawn of a new day, hoping and praying things will get better, not for one nor the other but for both of us, as the bus pulls in memories flood my mind with companionship of the one I love, days gone by and days to come intertwining our relationship somewhere there, who's out there is that you?

I don't know you anymore, willing to learn, willing to grow I'll get there in the end with or without you.

It's as hurtful to you as it is to me, slaying each other isn't going to help, the gap gets bigger not better at times, but we have come through it, through thick and thin we've come through it, does that say a lot or is the ego talking, if its ego I throw it out the door, if not then we have come through a roller coaster that got out of control for a time, there for a while.

Happiness is a smile, a smile gives millions yet costs nothing, such a simple thing in like a smile!

Your eyes smile without you smiling, they call out for help without a word being spoken, they give your face a lift when that sparkle is there when its not well all I can say is anyone there?

You have come through a lot over the years whether it was for yourself, your father or mother, you've battled all the odds and won, life threw more punches emotionally and mentally than you needed yet with all of that you're still shining with a strength and standing alone, but you don't have to do it alone anymore, you don't have to be imprisoned within your own walls, mind or otherwise its safe to come out now, no longer let yourself be your own prisoner within the walls of your mind, no longer does the past follow you that stopped long ago, the long winding road has straightened a little walk it with me, we can do this together you know, we will have knocks on the way, love and devotion will pick us up whether its within a day or two doesn't seem to matter, so long as it does pick us up, landing on our feet like cats always do.

There's a place for everyone we have houses on earth and mansions within us, our house in heaven both reflect who we are, it is a form of expression, tis the bridges that meet someday, upon reflection the shadows still follow, not as many as it used to be fewer by far still those shadows get shallower and shallower as we reflect what is now, sooner or later we all meet at the pearly gates so let's give it our best before we do.

Understand others plights as their journey to unfold as you do, the roads are the same, the view is different be non judgemental as you travel along, be as gentle and firm as you can, give counsel or silence as is required, respect their place in society be it in your home or out of your home, being kind to them is healing for you, being harsh to them is damaging to you, don't just know the difference feel the difference.

With each of us on a different journey but the same road, scenery differs for each of us views matters, drawing their own conclusion, often quite different to your own, let it be, do not force your opinion upon another this is respecting the other, giving them their individual right.

I have hurt you in the past, the past darkly hoping for more light now as the light seeps in so to do my thoughts clear, clearing the attic of unwanted clutter has been painful, having to face the enemy of yourself and the way you really are not how you perceive it to be but it, through your own self wisdom, insight, forethought and being true to yourself can only bring improvement to you and all those around you, we haven't said its easy to do for that would not be an honest thing to say it will take effort, self control, responsibility and dedication, depression might be classed as an illness, cancer is an illness but a terminal one so why is that depressed people don't know how to be happy, to reach out instead of inwardly to self misery and pity, depression doesn't only affect them but us too as it pulls us down into depths of despair I wail get me out of here why let two suffer instead of one, let the one roll in their own shit don't pull us into it, strength, reservation and courage elude me as a time like this, as I feel cheery the other whisks it away from you consequently you lose hope for both of you.

This makes life miserable to live, be it with yourself on the day or with your partner.

Hope is lost, company is sour, so where to from here? Not wanting to leave in any shape or form.

A solution must be near maybe its far, unreachable, to clear the air, having a nicer view would be nice, I know it will be there someday.

Lethargic, unmotivated, uninspired, lacking all interest in anything yeah you guessed it, pulled down to depression myself now, how can a helper help in those conditions, no doubt it has been done in the past.

When in a situation the view is different for others, it is here I must begin again, all else fails try something else.

Commitment to self and others gives warmth to the heart, losing ones identify gives nothing to hold onto it fractures everything else in your life, pleasures, enjoyment's go down the tube, so how do we pick up the shattered pieces of ourselves?

Start from the beginning with whatever you have left of yourself even if it is the crappy side of you, it's a start.

I wake up one morning to find we've hit a roller coaster of a ride, I can only get off when the bloody thing stops, until them I'll just go for the ride and as they say let's have one for the road such is life!

Life threads are lost along the way making it gloomy, seemingless to put any effort in, the results will tell, time tells.

Bringing back fragmented pieces isn't easy, so scattered pieces have no thread.