My story by Pauline

I suffer from depression, and I am full time carer for my daughter who has generalised anxiety, major depression and eating problems. In Jan this year, she was on track in her plan to go back to uni 2nd semester this year, and coping well mentally. Then the medications caused side effects, (lack of balance, eyes rolling back) so she was hospitalised, 05/02, to sort it out. Now she has been discharged, 17/03, but is still falling, this time most likely due to lack of adequate sustenance. Also under-medicated, until the falling stops, whenever that may be. She becomes suicidal, nights are the worst in this regard.

I am exhausted, from staying up nights, etc etc; it increases my depression. I'm currently not on any medication. Seeing a psychiatrist fortnightly.I do try to nap/sleep when she sleeps during the day.

Mirella can't go to the day program run by the clinic, because they are concerned about her falls; she goes to a support group one afternoon a week. We are trying to arrange weekly respite care so I can have a break.

Mirella has been ill since '97, and I'm finding the strain cumulative.

The Carer Links West (West of Melbourne Area) is currently without a mental health carer support person. I am becoming less sympathetic to her problems, and the fuse is a lot shorter than it used to be.

There have been two deaths very close to us; one 24/02, a young male suicide - this was very hard as it was what we fear will happen to Mirella; the other a woman she met in hospital, 27/02, who cared for Mirella so much herself that she was going to come and look after Mirella to give me a break. These deaths have caused a lot of grief and pain, also. There seems to be no time to recover before the next whatever hits us.

My psychiatrist doesn't seem to understand that I am "short" with him, because it's just so hard to keep going, so am thinking of changing

Below is an account of our journey.

29/03/01

We live in Attwood - ie Broadmeadows - Tullamarine area. Mirella goes to Finchley Support Group. Thursday afternoons only at present; she used to go on Tuesdays, sometimes, before the last hospitalisation, but on alternate Thursdays they have "Gym and Swim" afternoons for females, and the other Thursdays they go to a 'women's house'. I go to physio for my back.

The Finchley group also runs Carer Support evenings monthly, and monthly outings.

We've been having a lot of trouble trying to get her to eat; last Friday the psychotherapist said she had to consume 2000 calories, not kilojoules; that people who've had eating disorders have to eat differently from others because of the damage to their systems.

Yesterday she was really depressed, and she rang her psychiatrist, who was not available but I rang her psychotherapist we managed to get an appointment that afternoon. Consequently, diet now changed to total liquids - 2000 (nutritious) mls/day. Resource Plus (liquid food replacement) three times a day + pureed soup for lunch + pureed fruit with custard for dinner.

In the meantime the Modecate injection is due tomorrow, and that usually settles her within a couple of days. (Which it has, 08/04)

01/04/01

Mirella's falling is much worse today; Maybe the Modecate is to blame; that's one drug that hasn't changed - maybe it is dissociation - how will we ever know? She's now on an increased dose of Modecate; maybe that will help her not to feel so scared.

05/04/01

Neurologist diagnosed postural hypotension as cause of falling. 1 tablet every 2nd night, after blood tests to exclude other things - will take a while to work.

06/04/01

3 Exercises 3 times daily added in to regime to strengthen muscle and increase bone density. Solid food being introduced almost daily, and tolerated reasonably well.

Mirella started standing at a 15 degree angle from perpendicular 4-5th/04; eye rolling started again 06th/04. Possibly drug induced?

14/04/01

Mirella's still fairly suicidal - her father & I are very agitated, anxious, strung out. However we only have to make it to Tuesday afternoon, as she will be rehospitalised to sort out a new medication regime.