Angel/female/34

Thanks so much to all those who have shared their stories.

To those people who have experienced thoughts or have attempted suicide, I know what you're going through as I went through the same thing at the age of 18. I was totally helpless, hopeless and felt I had nothing to live for. Like Kate, I was stuck and felt trapped because I could not stand the thought of living but I was too "gutless" to try suicide. I was afraid I wouldn't do it properly. This episode lasted for about 8 months and during that time I was in a psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks before my parents came and got me out. This probably wasn't a great solution because they were going through a divorce at the time and this fact contributed to my depression. What really tipped me "over the edge" was the fact that I put so much pressure on myself at university. I had always been a high achiever and hindsight I know that my self confidence, back then, was based almost solely on my looks, intelligence, and my wide circle of friends who made me feel important.

I am now 31 and I have a wonderful husband, a dynamic, awesome relationship with God my creator and a good job. I have experienced about 4 more episodes of depression since the initial one described above. But these have been a lot less severe and each episode is less severe. I do the things that make me happy and I'm not afraid to ask for the things I need (such as support from family and friends, time off from work). I even told my boss about my illness which made her more understanding.

It is about 5am now and I haven't slept at all tonight I don't think. I've been trying not to take sleeping pills. I'm going to chat to my boss today because of the amount of work I have is getting to me. She appreciates it when I tell her how I feel about issues and then offer solutions. I'm certainly not going to be negative! I'm also going to take a few days' sick leave because I NEED IT.

I think depression can get worse when I try to deny it. I pray constantly and God is wonderful. I go to the Salvation Army church in my area. I also ask for the support I need. This is a great way to deal with depression. I also go to the gym in my lunch hour 3-4 times a week and play tennis or rollerblade on the weekend. These are the things I love and need to do.

I'm praying for "Kate" because I am moved by her story.