Taurus

I have always been laughed at when I say that I?m sure my depression begun in the womb. I believe this to be so as my dear Mum was having the last of her 8 children, me, when my Dad passed away with cancer. Later she/we also lost my sister and brother to the same cancer. After that many more in our family were to succumb to this insidious disease.

My family were kind and loving but due to all this grief and sadness, also highly protective of us kids. I grew up in so much sadness and developed extreme low self esteem and I can remember my OCD beginning when I was about 8 years old.

I was also sad, hated myself and could never think that there would be anyone in life who would want me, subsequently I went on to marry a man I didn?t love and just had more and more misery in my life. Always trying to be the perfect wife, daughter, friend etc. Wearing the mask with gusto. I struggled till I was in my early 30?s when the panic attacks begun and my spiral into very dark depression begun in earnest. I think when my Mum passed away with cancer it was just all too much for me.

The physical problems also begun at this time. I had to have a hysterectomy, developed arthritis, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia etc. I?m sure the mental and physical are interlinked in a huge way. One making the other worse or less able to cope with.

I?ve been under many psychs and have tried a dozen or so different medications. I?m lucky not to have found one that keeps me on an even keel most times. I could go on and on but this is more about how I have been helped by this unique site.

A few years ago my husband was running out of ways to try to help me so he went out and bought me this trusty computer and the rest is history.

My first search of course was on depression where I came across an Australian site called "Depressionet". I remember sitting there for hours each day just reading this site and all the stories of sadness and survival. It was months before I got up the courage to actually become a member.

I begun just by reading the messageboard and feeling so humbled by some of the stories there and the desperate cry for help. I eventually begun to answer a few posts and found that I was able to help a few people and by doing so, I also found help. I also realised that I was capable of doing this and just being able to give a little helped me to regain my life and my sanity.

Just being a part of this site has also opened my eyes to the total struggle of people with mental illness to be able to find ways and means of getting help. This illness is gradually losing its stigma but there is a very long way to go yet.

There are so many different kinds of mental illnesses and each person needs an individual method of treatment that works for them, unfortunately too many are getting lost in they system and our suicide rates are escalating to dangerous heights.

It is only through avenues like Depressionet that this disease will be recognised and treated in the proper way. It is the voice for the people out there who are crying out for this help.

I'm sure that I can honestly say that there are many members who just would not still be here if they had not found this site at a critical time of their lives.