Beowulf

I'm a 57-year-old, tertiary-educated divorced male from a conservative and stable family background, living in Melbourne, Australia.

I was married in 1969, and subsequently spent a couple of years travelling the world on a working holiday with my wife. We had no children, by mutual choice. I was a member of the Australian Defence Forces for some years, based in Brisbane. Until 1991, I held responsible, well-paying technical positions in both Melbourne and Perth, working for private companies and Government departments.

In 1983, I was amicably divorced, and unfortunately was retrenched from work in 1992. Since then, I have only worked casually or part-time, and have not worked at my trained profession since being retrenched. I have been happily living with my partner for about fourteen years now, and possibly owe her my life, or at the least, my present relative peace of mind.

Currently I have been unemployed for nearly three years and rely solely on social security for income. Initially, troubles with working led to my being diagnosed with clinical depression in 1999.

Twelve months ago, my diagnosis was amended to dysthymia with generalised anxiety disorder. I am hypervigilant, and mildly obsessive compulsive. During the last five years, I have trialled many antidepressant medications of all classes, mostly without any benefits, and am currently taking Lexapro, and also Stilnox for a major displaced sleep pattern.

I discovered the depressioNet web site about three years ago, around the same time as starting to have panic attacks at work and home. This was manageable in the short term, but ultimately led to me becoming unemployable.

For me, depressioNet provided firstly, a place where I could "go" without being patronised or ridiculed for my apparently silly beliefs or feelings, and I could see feedback from other depression sufferers with similar problems to myself. That in itself provided me with a lot more self confidence, as I knew that I wasn't isolated or struggling on my own in an uncaring world. Well, the world at large may not care that much, but at least I'd found a place where I could ask questions about my state of mind, medications, and therapies, and hopefully answer other's questions about these things. This was, at that time, crucial in my coming to terms with the illness, as until 1999, I'd never even thought about depression as an "illness". Like a lot of people still do, I thought it was simply a matter of "snapping out of it", or "getting on with the job". How ill-advised was that opinion prior to my own diagnosis!

Secondly, depressioNet provides an invaluable set of resources about conditions, therapies and medications, as well as announcements about mental health seminars, consumer drug information, self-help and reading material. And, importantly, all the information is investigated and approved by educated, and professionally-advised and well-sourced team members and moderators. If it's on dNet, then I can trust it!

Now, in mid-2004, I'm at least at peace with my thoughts such that I can now, within reason, rationalise what I'm doing and possibly why or why not. I'm still not "cured"; maybe I never will be, but then again there's every chance I will be. depressioNet definitely played its part, I think, for this change of heart over the last few traumatic years.

I still visit the forum on a regular basis and people still help me out a lot (often, I'm sure without realising it!), and I try to help others as best I can. Whether we've been here three years or three days is immaterial, as the key words in this forum are compassion, respect, education, empathy, patience, giving, and tolerance (and a gentle smattering of good humour to sometimes lighten those dark nights).

What you won't find on depressioNet is prejudices, intolerance, ridicule, criticism, aggression, ignorance, disrespect or narrow-mindedness.